My mother was a hard-working, dynamic woman, and she was the parent I favored and admired most. But mom came from an abusive home with an alcoholic father, and she never sought therapy for that early trauma. She survived it and moved on, like so many from that era. So of course, her abusive past found its way into our household. Her emotional outbursts were legendary when we were young, and throughout my 20s-40s, her control issues and distorted perceptions had me in knots. It took mom a lifetime to work through her stuff, but somehow she did it. She loosened her grip on life in her later years, moved into peace and wisdom, and became my role model again. It was incredible to see. Amazing woman, awesome mom!

My story with Dad was very different. He was a highly skilled engineer with a quirky personality and a unique mind that bordered on genius. But he also had a judgmental-homophobic streak, and his self-awareness was seriously lacking. Dad had a mean side, too, and he bullied me for years. I was the son he didn’t understand and didn’t want, and he told me that. At some point, I forgave him for the abuse, but of course I never forgot it. He was my father, I loved him, and he handed me a big bag of his own baggage.