DANA:  I’ve had friends go through similar “dark night” periods, and I know they felt very alone during that process, like God was at a distance and wasn’t answering their prayers. I didn’t feel that way at all. But I did feel betrayed—not only by my husband who I had discovered had been cheating on me for 6 years—but also by God. You see, up to that point, my relationship with God had been so honest and open and undeniably real to me, with prayers being answered on a regular basis, that I could not understand why He had not revealed my husband’s infidelity to me earlier. I was confused, devatstated, enraged, and I was also questioning everything I believed to be true in my life, including my belief in God. It’s sort of like that scene in Forest Gump when Forest is out on a boat with Captain Dan, and a storm rolls in and Captain Dan climbs to the top of the mast and raises his hands and yells, “F*** you!” Honestly, when that film first came out, I had the hardest time watching that scene because it seemed so blasphemous, to openly curse God that way. But then, when my life hit rock bottom, I could completely relate to it. So yeah, I was pretty angry with God, but I certainly didn’t blame Him for my husband’s infidelity. Honestly, too, I was mad at myself because from the onset of my marriage, I could see that there was something between my husband and this woman. I just kept telling myself, “No, you’re wrong, Dana—he’s just being friendly.”

You know, I have that whole year in the basement recorded in the pages of my Bible. Those pages are totally marked up with comments and questions and tears, and I even have dates written down for when prayers were answered. When I read it now, I see those pages as evidence of how God held my hand and guided me through a very dark and difficult phase. But He was also very quiet while it was going on, because I was having a tantrum and I needed to sort it out for myself.